Life's tests

My father-in-law died in hospice, very peacefully and beautifully. His daughter, my wife, seemed to handle his death very well as a result. But she grieves in unexpected ways, months after the fact. And of course this affects me.

A good friend and former colleague died in January from lung cancer, at 63. I turned 50 last month and I'm staring my mortality squarely in the face. I am already well along in the dying process. But what of life in the mean time? How best to spend the uncertain remainder? And what of others in my life, my mom and wife in particular? What shall be our relationship?

I've heard it said that suffering and distress are really opportunities in disguise, opportunities for growth. Damn, it's hard though.